Periodically on my blog I will pass along content from other writers, authors and sources. These quick breaks from sharing my own ideas will include content from those we look up to, quotes that resonate with me, insights I’ve gained from books I’m reading, or great advice I assume readers of this blog would appreciate hearing.
Lately I have been learning from Marie Forleo. A link to her resources popped into my junk mail folder one day… the day I happened to think to myself, “hmm… I wonder if anything important or valuable ever gets sent directly to my junk folder without my knowing it.” I hadn’t checked that folder in years! The word coincidence comes to mind… but I’m not going to use it because I don’t believe in those.
All I’ve got to say about Marie Forleo is…. Where has she been all my life!? She said just-right things at just the right time… for me. For me. I know that’s key - that we all hear exactly what we’re meant to hear at just the right time… if we are tuned-in to hear it. So maybe Marie’s work isn’t for you right now and that’s ok. But something she was explaining jumped out at me as something I should summarize and share on my blog.
It went like this. Now, please keep in mind that this is all my interpretation, paraphrasing and summary. Click here to sign up to receive a link to her full-length presentation. Marie said that 99% of our ‘can'ts’ are actually ‘won'ts.’ Read that again:
She is saying that whenever we say we ‘can’t’ do something, that we are actually engaging in self-deception and we are making excuses. We should take note of our ‘can’ts,’ look them in the eye so to speak, and in doing so the excuses will disappear. Calling them what they are (excuses) we will then be able to move past them and come up with steps of action to take toward making things possible in our lives.
Here are the ‘can’ts’ she gave as examples of some things we’re guilty of telling ourselves and that she says are actually ‘won’ts’/excuses:
*I can't get up and workout everyday. → I won’t get up and workout everyday.
*I can't seem to find the time to ________. → I won’t create the time to ________.
*I can't seem to control myself around food. → I won’t control myself around food.
*I can't forgive ________ for ________. → I won’t forgive _______ for ________.
*I can't ask for help. → I won’t ask for help.
*I can't get ahead because of ________. → I choose not to get ahead because of _______.
*I can't do ________ because I can't afford it. → I won’t ________ because I choose not to afford it.
I’m going to add one of my own:
*I can't lift heavy weights because _______. → I won’t lift heavy weights because ________.
What about this:
*I won’t choose foods that make me feel my best because ________.
Marie Forleo says that choosing to say the word ‘can't’ actually takes power away from ourselves. We are 100% responsible for the results we produce in our lives.
When we re-frame our thinking and realize that ‘can’t’ actually means ‘won’t,’ we realize ‘won’t’ could mean a variety of things: it could mean that you don't want to, that you don't want to put in the effort to do what it takes, that you don't want it bad enough, or that it is not a priority in your life. All of these are ok if you’ve chosen them for whatever it is. BUT… if it is something you really want to go after and it is a priority, then the only way you’ll achieve it is to look your can’ts/won’ts/excuses in the eye, get rid of what’s standing in your way and take steps toward your goal. She reminded us that we have more power than we think and also more power than we give ourselves credit for to accomplish the things that we really want to accomplish.
Great advice if you ask me. Any time you can take a step back and gain perspective and clarity about your own thinking and see how you’re standing in your own way is so valuable. Now, go… get rid of your ‘won’ts!’
I am a wife, mom to two and teacher. I have a lot of things I'd like to go after in this lifetime!